Here are five ways that help me remember my angel babies, and which might help you too.
1. Have a special box of all of their things, such as ultrasound photos, teddies or clothing you bought for them. I have one box for each of my angel babies, where the box is decorated with their name, and everything is safe and together, so it can’t be lost over time. When I am feeling sad or reflective, particularly on days such as the anniversary of the miscarriage or birthday, then I can pull the box out and search through it. Other things which I included were nursery paint swatches, a remembrance candle I lit at the time, the original gender reveal documents from testing and books I bought for each baby when I was pregnant.
2. Write your baby a letter. Particularly when the grief is raw and fresh, this can be a beautiful and cathartic way to remember your angel baby. You can express your pain, sadness, gratitude, anger and fear. This is a helpful task to process the difficult emotions which come from losing a baby, and it can also help you to focus on the love that you feel for your baby. When I had my first miscarriage I felt so overwhelmed, and putting pen to paper was a way of sorting through my complex emotions and something tangible to hold onto.
3. Have something in the house that reminds you of your baby. This could be something as overt as an ultrasound photo, or it could be more subtle. For example, I had a missed miscarriage where my baby stopped growing at nine weeks, when she was the size of an Olive. We named her little Olive, and anything associated with Olives, such as an image or a little tree, reminds us of her. For another baby of ours, we named her Honey Bunny, due to her being conceived on our Honeymoon and her dying at Easter. I have special Easter decorations of bunnies which I pull out at Easter to remind me of her and to commemorate her special life.
4. If you are lucky enough to have any subsequent babies, as I have been with my triple rainbow baby, Olivia-Grace, then find ways to weave your angel babies into your living children’s life. Olivia-Grace has a teddy bear with her big brother Archie’s name on it. She also has a library of books which we call “Archie’s library”. It includes the books that we bought for him when I was pregnant. Her nursery also has pictures of three little angels, symbolising each of her siblings in Heaven. This is a special way to make sure our grief and our gratitude can co-exist, and that there is a place for all of our children in our lives.
5. This one is not for everyone, but another way to remember your baby is to post on social media. Particularly for anniversaries or days like mother’s day, this can be a powerful way to share your love with others. An added benefit of this is that it gives an opportunity for friends to know what you have gone through and are going through, and for them to reach out and be supportive. By sharing your angel baby, their name, their story and that they are loved, it may also help other women and friends of yours. I have found that being open about losing a baby has led to increased support and friendships, as well as feeling less alone.
So if you are struggling to process your grief after you have had a baby die, maybe consider if any of these ways of remembering your much loved baby could be helpful for you.
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